Wherever sexuality is represented, we see the body’s ability to translate sensations into pleasure. We see the stories of human interactions, in all their beauty. Cinema and literature make us dream of passionate, spontaneous sex, works of art from around the world fuel our desire for eroticism and sensuality, and even pornography stirs fantasies of forbidden exploration and intense sensations.
Through all these clichés and classics, we find a deep yearning for optimal sexuality: exceptional, glamorous, even transcendent. While this need is entirely legitimate, it raises important questions. How can this fantasy of extraordinary sex take shape in real life? What’s the source of such unmatched pleasure—years of practice, a high sex drive, self-confidence? As always with sexuality, the answer is nuanced and multifaceted.
In the early 2000s, researchers in sexology and psychology attempted to document this phenomenon. They interviewed thousands of individuals who described having fulfilling sex lives. This led to the emergence of the clinical concept of Great Sex, or optimal sexuality, highlighting the key elements of what some would describe as “unique” and “transformative” sexual experiences. There are eight components:
- Being fully present in your body, immersed in the moment
- Feeling connected and in sync with your partner, experiencing a sense of symbiosis
- Having deep sexual and erotic intimacy
- Developing enhanced communication and empathy
- Being authentic, sincere, and transparent
- Transforming oneself through sex, finding healing and bliss
- Engaging in exploration, playfulness, and pleasure
- Being vulnerable and allowing oneself to surrender
While inspiring, it’s important to avoid falling into the trap of comparison. The concept of optimal sexuality is not a rigid standard to meet at all costs. Any form of consensual sexuality, whether it aligns with these characteristics or not, has its own legitimacy. Optimal sexuality isn’t a call for conformity—different approaches to sex can appeal to different people. It’s also essential to remember that sexuality is a constantly evolving project, influenced by daily interactions, moods, life stages, and self-growth.
Sexuality reflects what’s happening inside us, our relational dynamics, and the realities of our environment. It encompasses body, heart, mind, past, present, and future. We’ll come back to this later.
The beauty of the Great Sex concept lies in the lesson it teaches us. It’s a lesson about the complexity and depth of human sexuality, about what it truly is beyond societal norms and expectations. Did you notice? Among the eight components, none mention physical performance, duration, frequency, or body image. Optimal sexuality is rooted in internal, psychological, emotional, and spiritual aspects. It depends on interpersonal skills, like connection, openness, and communication.
Curious, isn’t it? In a society that emphasizes physical prowess and frequent sexual activity, these testimonies about optimal sexuality reveal something profound. It seems that the quality of the moment matters more than how long you can ride your partner or achieve the firmest erection ever.
This social discussion is crucial because we often reduce sexuality to physical acts and skills. We ask ourselves what to “do” to spice things up and how to “do” it better to bring our partner to orgasm. But what about simply “being”? Desire and arousal start in the mind. Think back to moments when you felt deeply connected to your desire—wasn’t the context likely a factor? Maybe it was a time when you felt comfortable in your intimacy, at ease with your body, or immersed in life’s pleasures. Our feelings, needs, and perceptions influence how we experience and interpret our sexuality, even when they aren’t directly related to sex.
Yes, experiencing physical pleasure is important, and it makes sense to explore it through playful tips, toys, and positions. Being present in your body can add delightful textures to your sexual experiences. That said, the many abstract dimensions of sexuality are just as essential. Who knows? The key to that much-desired physical pleasure may lie in these often-overlooked paths.
Did you know there are six dimensions of human sexuality? Together, they form what we call the “globality of sexuality.” Here they are:
- Biological: anatomy, health, and bodily function
- Cognitive: ideas and perceptions about sexuality, knowledge, and critical thinking
- Psychological and Emotional: self-satisfaction, expressing desires, developing erotic imagination and intimacy, relational skills
- Moral and Spiritual: values, beliefs, and personal principles
- Sociocultural: societal norms and media influences, social roles (parent, partner, etc.)
- Ethical and Legal: respecting laws and promoting sexual rights, equity, and safety
The takeaway is simple: across these six dimensions, there’s so much to explore and cultivate. By embracing these aspects, even the hidden ones, we build a comprehensive, balanced, and healthy foundation for our sexuality.
The Great Sex concept serves as a gentle reminder: when performance anxiety kicks in, when we feel pressured to meet sexual norms, or when we compare our experiences to wild stories on the internet, Great Sex reminds us there’s no one-size-fits-all model. Whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, into BDSM, or prefer vanilla sex, any form of sexuality can be optimal. It’s less about the activities and more about the richness of the exchange.