Education is an artisan’s craft, and sexuality education is no exception! Beyond precise knowledge, this dense topic requires exceptional sensitivity and empathy. In Quebec, sexuality education has been mandatory in schools for over forty years, yet many schools face financial and institutional challenges in implementing it. Nevertheless, in 2018, the Ministry of Education and Higher Education launched an excellent program by collaborating with numerous experts. It addresses seven major themes, including sexual growth and health, social norms, romantic relationships, and violence prevention. With a special focus on promoting equality, these mandatory contents aim to depict the full scope of sexuality and provide ways to navigate the changes associated with this “body-heart-mind” experience.
While sexuality education can still cause discomfort for some parents, rest assured: it doesn’t need to be a thorny subject. In fact, it can be a pleasant, empathetic experience. As the school year kicks off, this blog aims to be a guide on the best ways to introduce sexuality education at home.
A Mutual Journey
Your teenager is experiencing their sexual and romantic awakening. What a wonderful life stage! As a parent, you remain your child’s primary educator. Experts agree: sexuality education is a co-construction, and parents play an irreplaceable role. As you journey together — your child growing up and you evolving in your parental role — remember that you are not alone. A wealth of scientific and accessible resources is available to guide you. Additionally, the school team, composed of various professionals, is also there to support you in this endeavor.
Sexuality Education: A Wonderful Gift to Give
Sexuality education is fundamental. It plays a significant role in shaping identity and self-expression. Beyond sexual behaviors and biology, it encompasses emotional intelligence, the development of a positive body image and self-esteem, the formation of authentic values, body awareness, personal desires, and respect for others' autonomy. It involves sexual agency, a concept referring to having control over one’s life and sexual choices. It’s about being able to confidently assert one’s needs and boundaries, and possessing the critical skills to adopt sexual behaviors that align with one’s mindset and desires.
Put simply, sexuality education is a tool. It aims to develop intrapersonal and interpersonal skills that will serve throughout life. It encompasses a broad range of concepts and realities, including biological, cognitive, psychological, emotional, moral, spiritual, sociocultural, ethical, and legal dimensions.
A Quick Snapshot
What lies behind this sexual and romantic awakening? What are the hidden aspects of puberty? Let’s take a closer look. Studies all point to the same conclusion: teenagers genuinely want to learn and talk about sexuality. Tel-jeunes, a popular helpline, reveals that the most common questions regarding sexuality revolve around love and relationships. Surprising, isn’t it? While adolescence is often perceived as a whirlwind of hormones and sex, young people are driven by a nuanced world of desires and motivations. This curiosity is profoundly inspiring and must be nurtured through sensitive sexuality education. After all, this will shape their sexual health and the quality of their romantic life as adults.
Typically, during this awakening, teenagers develop their gender expression, feel a strong need for belonging, crave intimacy, question their identity, explore boundaries, and often have their first intentional encounters with pornography. This is a pivotal period, marked by the development of intimacy and the adoption of new roles. The range of questions they may ask can vary from “How do I tell someone I love them?” to “How do I know if I’m ready?” or “How do I discover my sexual orientation?” to the famous “Is it normal to XYZ?” The idea of normalcy, especially the fear of being marginalized, is prevalent. This is a concept worth deconstructing with your teenager: when it comes to sexuality, diversity in experiences reigns supreme. Comfort and authenticity are more important than conformity — a valuable lesson in sexual agency.
Understanding Development to Better Support
Psychosexual development refers to the cognitive, emotional, and identity stages paved by puberty. These stages are intrinsically linked to age but also depend on individual factors (education, values, personality) and social factors (peers, culture). Understanding these stages is crucial: when it comes to a topic as intimate as sexuality, it's important not to disrupt young people by overstepping their pace. Think about it: your response to a 12-year-old will be very different from your response to a 17-year-old. One has a more limited worldview, while the other has a more advanced level of understanding and judgment. Keeping this principle in mind, tailor your approach to meet the young person’s needs while fully respecting their integrity.
We All Need Guidance...
The time has come to start the conversation with your teenager. There’s no need to take on the role of a teacher. Sexuality education between parents and children should be a heart-to-heart exchange.
1. It’s All About Attitude: Before starting, reflect on your discomforts and potential biases. Education goes beyond simply conveying information, and much can be communicated implicitly through body language and word choice. An open, positive attitude, free from shame and judgment, is essential. Although it can be challenging to deconstruct your discomfort, ease comes with time, knowledge, and kindness. A caring attitude will also make the experience more pleasant and meaningful.
2. Listening Is Essential: Listening is not only an empathetic approach but also a helpful technique to guide the conversation. Let your teenager speak. Ask follow-up questions to understand their thoughts and reasoning. Through their responses, you can gauge their understanding of the topic and identify the factors influencing their thinking (curiosity, fear, peer discourse). On one hand, it’s about understanding where they are in their psychosexual development to tailor your response. On the other hand, it’s important to address the need behind the question. Your teenager may not be seeking a detailed explanation but rather reassurance, validation, and a different perspective.
3. Books and Resources Are Your Allies: Sometimes, it’s less confronting for teenagers to seek information privately. It’s also wise to refer to reliable sources when a topic exceeds your knowledge. Teach your teenager how to identify up-to-date, trustworthy resources. Naturally, remind them that they can always come to you with further questions or thoughts. Knowing you are genuinely present is invaluable.
4. The Second Chance: This lesson is perhaps the most important of all. We always have the opportunity to try again. You may respond awkwardly out of surprise, discomfort, or uncertainty — it happens to everyone, even experts. Take time to reflect on how you would have liked to respond and revisit the conversation when you’re ready. There’s nothing wrong with telling your teenager that you were disappointed with your initial reaction and want to approach the topic differently. It’s a wonderful way to show that making mistakes is human.
3. Books and Resources Are Your Allies: Sometimes, it’s less confronting for teenagers to seek information privately. It’s also wise to refer to reliable sources when a topic exceeds your knowledge. Teach your teenager how to identify up-to-date, trustworthy resources. Naturally, remind them that they can always come to you with further questions or thoughts. Knowing you are genuinely present is invaluable.
4. The Second Chance: This lesson is perhaps the most important of all. We always have the opportunity to try again. You may respond awkwardly out of surprise, discomfort, or uncertainty — it happens to everyone, even experts. Take time to reflect on how you would have liked to respond and revisit the conversation when you’re ready. There’s nothing wrong with telling your teenager that you were disappointed with your initial reaction and want to approach the topic differently. It’s a wonderful way to show that making mistakes is human.
Always About Reflection
Above all, sexuality education between parents and children should be a respectful exchange — a free and voluntary experience...
Small, Scientific, and Relevant Resources:
- The Quebec Ministry of Education’s mandatory sexuality education content (2018).
- SEXOclic, which develops content on young people's psychosexual development in collaboration with the Quebec government.
- The organization "On SEXplique ça," specializing in positive sexuality education services.
- The organization AlterHéros, which supports youth reflecting on their sexual orientation and gender identity.