My partner is ticklish. I pinch him on the inside of his thighs or just under his butt, and it makes him laugh. He laughs so much that sometimes he can’t even catch his breath to tell me to stop! The more he laughs, the more I tickle him. It’s so funny to see him squirm, completely at the mercy of my little fingers. Then suddenly, everything comes to an abrupt stop when he turns around and says, “Hey, stop.” … What a grump. He could’ve just said he didn’t like it instead of laughing his head off.
A safeword is exactly for that.
It’s essential to set boundaries in play; because sometimes, “no, stop, don’t” is part of the game.
The BDSM community has humbly introduced us to this practice. Despite their tough appearance and love of pushing limits, BDSM enthusiasts are incredibly respectful of consent and their partners’ boundaries. It’s essential for a healthy practice. In a dungeon, for example, both parties will discuss a roadmap, establish a code of conduct, and agree on a safeword to signal when a boundary has been reached—or crossed.
So, what exactly is a safeword? It’s a term, a word, or a code that’s agreed upon to stop a behavior or action that goes beyond the agreed boundaries of play. The word “pineapple” is often used as an example because it’s unlikely to come up randomly in a sexual conversation—unlike “stop,” “no,” or “don’t.” Practically speaking, a safeword brings everything to a complete and immediate stop, which might look something like this:
“Go slow, I’ll guide you… Yes, yes, no… okay, keep going, yes, stop!
Okay, keep going… oh, uh… no, no. Safeword!”
The use of a safeword aims to eliminate any misunderstandings or unwanted frequent stops.
In summary, a safeword ensures mutual understanding and frames mutual consent to sexual acts or actions. It protects both parties and ensures both physical and psychological safety.